Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Conversations With a 23 Year Old Boy

Today my heaven on earth lasted 20 minutes, maybe more. When I hung up the phone, awe filled my soul. I was witness to a great conversation, a conversation that was a testament to my final goal. One that I had hoped was set in motion and nurtured for many years and now seemed to be coming to fruition. I hung up and my heart sang, my awe turned upward and I thanked Him. For this was what it’s like to be awash with joy. It was a rush. Something I hoped I would feel again and again. I felt like something special happened. Not for him but for me. I wondered and hoped, but didn’t know for sure if he heard my wonder as our conversation unfolded. I hoped he felt at least that yes, this was a really good conversation.

I talked to a 23 year old man, no longer a boy. One I have missed for a very long time and will continue to miss the rest of my life. That is what parents have to struggle with when they have a 23 year old man as their son. I miss him even more after I talk to him. It makes the day joyous and at the same time bittersweet. The connection and bond are sturdy between us, and I hope to always be part of his life, to be a friend that he feels and wants to confide in and still wants to hear from every once in a while. I’m lucky because I am his mother, so the phones calls and catching up will happen more often with us than with long lost friends. I never want to become a long lost friend.

I find joy when we reestablish that connection, to feel the unselfish love, one that will always be there no matter what is a good feeling. A mother and father’s need for the love to be given again is something we all yearn for when our children grow up and we revel in it even if it is for only 23 minutes.

That was a good conversation with many subjects, news, events, issues and a sense of camaraderie. That has always been my secret goal. To be trusted by my child, to be a reliable guide and source, to be enjoyable to talk to that he will want more of it in the future, to become a good friend, as well as his mother. This conversation was the very first that gave me an indication that we were on the right path. Transcending our relationship, to take it to a new level, one of mutual respect, support, and friendship was my goal as my son became a man.

Joy and Heaven on Earth are talking to a 23 year old man.

*Two years later, he calls more than ever before. The reason he calls is also gratifying. He calls when he has great news. He calls when he has a good story to tell us. He calls when he’s lonely. He calls when he’s a little sad. He calls when he has achieved a culinary triumph. He calls when he's found a great humorist or musician. But more than that, he even calls to shoot the breeze.

Yes, we must get our joy in little snatches. A twenty minute conversation can make the distance between you dissolve and a voice that was part of your life and heart everyday for 21 years comes back to you and can make your heart sing.